Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
