I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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