i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
