I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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