Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
