Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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