And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
