So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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