I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
