so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
