This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
