please come you make the beer taste better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
