my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
