What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
