i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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