She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
