Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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