If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
