There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
