lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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