oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
