sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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