what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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