The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
