i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sobbing to NWA
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
