I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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