end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
