You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
