Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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