cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
