my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
