You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
