Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
