Me. At least after what I've been through.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
