I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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