ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt