Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate