Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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