She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.