somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.