Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  that is the greatest description ever

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  (440): it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once (1-440): that is the greatest description ever http://tfl.nu/1t1l
  Replies (9) Good night (2260) Bad night (448)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (4970) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

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  (612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g
  Replies (11) Good night (990) Bad night (4848)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

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  (847): For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining. http://tfl.nu/2itw
  Replies (30) Good night (3963) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (54) Good night (10763) Bad night (1677)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7191) Bad night (1414)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.

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  (972): Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter. http://tfl.nu/4cll
  Replies (4) Good night (1715) Bad night (802)
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  (626): View more from California

  There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.

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  (626): There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you. http://tfl.nu/ru1c
  Replies (4) Good night (3218) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

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  (204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty
  Replies (10) Good night (5857) Bad night (880)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.

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  (540): Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures. http://tfl.nu/hix2
  Replies (9) Good night (1901) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?

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  (508): I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself? http://tfl.nu/e252
  Replies (3) Good night (989) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake

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  (602): Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake http://tfl.nu/7ejr
  Replies (6) Good night (2280) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.

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  (919): They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am. http://tfl.nu/0bdo
  Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.

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  (561): Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring. http://tfl.nu/lpoq
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...

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  (810): There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist... http://tfl.nu/z2ai
  Replies (6) Good night (731) Bad night (235)

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