I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize