Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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