You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
