That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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