your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
