Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
