I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
