She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pooping to opera.
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