im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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