I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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