i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
