At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
