Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
