make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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