Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
