My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
