Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
