sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
