worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
