DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
