it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
