Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
