note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They took my balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
