oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
