I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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