P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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