Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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