It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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