The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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