There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
