i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
