I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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