I wish my penis had an off switch
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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