There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
