dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
