Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
