if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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