i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
