You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Randomize
