I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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