I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
