the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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