K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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