You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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