we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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