oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
