someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
